Living in the Moment

[Birdie]

Of course he would not. He did not feel the discordance of the world which would be felt for days after. Brigantia would probably not go near the dojo anytime soon so as to avoid the place where the sound was strongest. None the less she was neither disturbed nor dissapointed to hear him say those words. They fit him. She was already fairly distracted but listening to his deep voice flow over her was calming and she very much wanted to hear him speak more.

She waited patiently for him to come to his point. When he did it made no sense to her. She frowned, confused by the question. "I do not know my lord, I am sorry. Perhaps it was to show kinship? We grew close over the loss of his uncle. I mourn the loss of a life and understand what it is like to lose..." she began to crack, he voice wavering and her eyes tearing up, "to lose people close to you. I know the hardships he has and will face. But why that place in particular or why he licked me I can not be certain." She was growing increasingly uncomfortable with his close position. His face was nearer that it normally was. She drowned in his scent. She very much wanted to reach out and play with the hair which had fallen over his shoulder.

'It would be inappropriate', she had to remind herself. At least it had distracted her from the feeling of dispair she felt when speaking on the massacre at the temple.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Going into lecture mode wasn't working if Brigantia didn't realize that he was about to inform her on very intimate things known only be instinct. His nostrils flared at the scent of her quickly forming tears and he knew that the path he had taken had done the opposite of what he wanted.

But Sesshoumaru would teach her. He had already started this conversation. Straightening himself, he tucked his hair behind one pointed ear as he looked at her with narrowed eyes. "A lick leaves a very clear scent behind. A mark of ownership, a sign of favor." Frowning slightly as he eyed the corner of her mouth, he continued, "The lick and the addition of its placement changes what it means. His was a declaration of courtship." Scowling he glared at that spot.

"A lick under the chin would have been an offer of courtship. But he did not ask." Wolves weren't well known for asking. Obviously.

[Birdie]

This new information caused her eyes to grow rather wide. Her lips parted to further confirm her complete surprise. She knew not what to say. Why in the world would anyone want to court her? It was astonishing really. She was not anything special, she had a long way to go before she could be considered even a good servant! Wat use could she possibly be to a lord of all things. The more she thought about it the more she blushed. She raised her fingers to her face, eyes downcast. She tried to hide her face behind them, to calm herself. This did not work so she let her fingers slide down so that one hand was set against her cheek and the other touched the place where she had been licked. Finally she brought her eyes up to Sesshomaru's face.

He was no longer so close. She missed the nearness of his scent, the warm air that floated from his body. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry." Brigantia did not know why she was apologizing. She had not nothing wrong, but somehow she felt that there must be something wrong. "I did not mean to.... I have no intention of... Ooooh..." No, she was wrong. It meant that her actions had been lurid enough to make someone believe that she wanted them. She must have acted the part of a common harlot! "I wish... I'm so sorry. I must talk to him again soon. I did not mean to shame you!"

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Sesshoumaru let out an undignified scoff as Brigantia rambled on. "Wolves are rash and selfish." He didn't blame her. Sure, she didn't have to comfort the wolf and get his attention but most of that was Fumiko's fault for getting her involved in the first place. He had seen the signs so early and didn't threaten the Lord when he first noticed them.

Suddenly he reached down and grasped her chin, the same way he had before. His thumb pressed firmly against the side of her mouth as he glared at the place hidden beneath his finger. "He has no claim over you, nothing that I can't or won't remove." It was a threat that he hoped could somehow reach the wolf lord on his journey back home. But it was a foolish hope and he released her. His body was stiff with his broken pride at Ainu's audacity of touching what was his, and his eyes filled with contempt toward the wolf lord. Yet his touch was gentle.

Tucking his hands into his sleeves he eyed her for a moment longer before turning his back in dismissal and retreating into his room with a light thud of the sliding door.

[Birdie]

He didn't blame her? Then perhaps she had not acted in a way less than appropriate. This quelled the torrent of guilt which spun inside of her. Her hands lowered as he touched her. She leaned into his fingers, her own reached up to rest gently against his wrist and forearm. The feeling of him swelled in her again. Everything she had been feeling was now replaced with only him. She shivered when his hand left and she frowned a little. Very much she wanted to reach out and hold tightly onto him. She made herself do nothing of the sort. Instead she brought her hands and her eyes down.

He left and she was by herself again. Her mind was torn away from all the sad thoughts and consumed completely by one touch. She drifted into the garden to wander and only returned to her own bedroom to sleep when it got dark.

---

She went through the next day as she normally did. Working, cleaning, sewing, and spoke with Matoko. As she went about her routine she did her best to give the dojo a wide berth. The feeling of it made her sick to her stomach. All too soon the day ended and the dreaded night came. She bathed as quickly as possible before rushing to to her room to await the moonrise. She curled herself up in a corner and she could feel the changes. Her muscle tissue becoming stronger and the world become intensley quiter and quieter until all she heard was the sound of movement. She could sense no one and nothing. It was a highly traumatic and lonely passage into humanhood. She hated it and was glad she was not human all of the time.

Her long hair grew dark until it became black, the blackness of her eyes shrank into pupils and jade colored irises appeared. The wings and antenna faded into nothingness. Her appearance was completely different and yet the same. She looked over her new body with distaste. While it was stronger physically, the connection she had with the world was completely gone.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Sesshoumaru had hoped to reach her before she transformed. Intrigued as he was, he wanted to see the change himself. Or else he might not truly believe the human in Brigantia's room was...Brigantia. But business had kept him busy and Jakens worry over the spotted human group roaming around forced Sesshoumaru to patrol his boundaries.

But Sesshoumaru rushed home, his eyes on the ever rising moon as he flew across the skies in a cloud of shouki. But he wasn't fast enough. The moon was high in the sky, towering over him mockingly as he landed in the gardens. When he didn't automatically see her outside he came up to her back door into her room. He could hear nothing but her heavy breathing and the soft shuffle of fabric. Was she even doing anything?

"Brigantia." He called, giving a light tap onto the wooden edge of the sliding door. He wanted to just slide it open and go on in but he had decided long ago to not do that. He had learned from last time.

[Birdie]

She jumped at the sound of his voice. No longer did she have the music of his aura to alert her to his presence. It was also the first time he had ever said her name, at least that she could remember. She flushed slightly. She debated on just hiding in the room and not opening the door. Sincerely she did not wish for this man to see her the way she was. This would not be a good idea though, so she stood and went to her door. Carefully she slid it open and offered him a small smile. "Good Evening, my lord."

She felt so different. He felt different. All she had to rely on were the clues in his body language and face to tell her what it was he was feeling. She had never thought to look at those things before and so was not sure how to read those signs. It would not help that Sesshomaru was not a particularly showy person when it came to things like feelings.

Stepping back, she allowed him entrance into her rooms, as there was no way for her to go out looking like this. Watching the moon and seeing the wild garden would be out of the question on this night.

Ashamed of her appearance, she went to her bed and pulled the blankets around her shoulders and head so as to hide behind them. She peered out from their safety. It was a warm summers night and the blankets only made things warmer. But she could not bear to have her master look upon her lowly human form.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened at the sight of her. This wasn't Brigantia. All the familiar attributes had changed, and even her scent had completely shifted. 'Her eyes are green...' For a moment, he just stared but she was already hiding in the darkness of her room and futon. No reassurances came as he was still too busy trying to connect this human to Brigantia. It was disappointing he had missed the actual change.

He took in a deep breath of her new scent and tugged the sliding door open wide until the light of the moon cast a ray across the room. The wind had picked up, and the sound of the flower swaying caught his ears. Just like before, he wanted to get to know this new scent. Now he understand completely what he had been smelling that night Hitoshi had returned. "The servants will not trespass on the pavilion. You do not need to be so secluded." It was a big reassurance if Sesshoumaru ever gave any.

[Birdie]

She hoped that would be the case, but could there always be a guarantee. If someone were to come she would not be able to sense it and this scared her. But, it seemed he wished her to come out of her hiding spot. She stood, unwilling to leave her blanket behind. Walking out, the cool wind pulled at the blanket. It felt nice and she imagined what it would sound like now. Pretending that she could hear only made her more sad.

Brigantia closed her door behind her, but sat down in a way which would allow her to slide the door back open in an instance and rush safely inside. Carefully she situated the blanket around her and huddled. She was very much on edge. She could sense nothing. She had to rely completely on sound and sight. There was a small comfort in have Sesshomaru there. Her would not let anything come to harm her. In spite of this she still harbored some irrational fear, perhaps perpetuated by her extreme discomfort.

Once satisfied that she was in a position for east escape, she settled and looked toward her master. The wind caught underneath the hood she had made with the blanket, pushing it back slightly. Her hand shot up soon after to fix it so that her face would be hidden. "Has your day gone well, I hope my lord?"

[Lord Sesshomaru]

She looked like a hermit hiding from the outside world. It wasn't too far off. He couldn't even consider what her position must be like. To become human...something most demons looked down on. Insects beneath their feet. Beneath his feet. He couldn't help but stare at her. He was still trying to connect this human to Brigantia. His instincts were telling him that this wasn't Brigantia. By sight and scent it wasn't her. But he couldn't ignore the way she acted and her voice.

"Humans were spotted on the east border." Sesshoumaru was too distracted staring at her than to stay silent. Talking was the only way he could remember this was Brigantia. He stayed standing, stepping forward slightly until he was mere inches away. He would be a guard and make sure no one trespassed in his pavilion. Definitely not on this night. "If they stay on path they will be gone by mid afternoon tomorrow." This was easy business talk that he could have. Something he would have to repeat with Jaken in the morning.

[Birdie]

She bristled at the thought of humans coming near. While she had ample experience with them at the temple, it was different now. It was a stark reminder of her plight. Should things have been different she would have been killed on the spot. She curled the blankets closer around her. She was not fit to be seen. Very much she wanted to go hide away in the room and see no one until dawn. But Sesshomaru wanted her near and there was no way she would disobey a silent order.

Finally she made a reply. "That is good. I hope they do not stray close." Another death would be just too much. Now it would not be so bad, considering she could not feel the effects of it in the universe. She wondered how many less people would die if everyone felt and heard the world in the way she did when she was hanyou. "Did you come straight here to check on me? I appreciate that. It is very kind of you to come see me while I am at my absolute worst, my lord. Thank you." He took very good care of his servants. Would this increase her debt to him?

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Sesshoumaru frowned, forcing himself to look away from Brigantia. He wasn't sure he liked the girl recognizing his actions for what they were. Making him seem so kind. "I wanted to see the change for myself." He glanced at her again, the deep green in her eyes making him stiffen.

He had run out of things to say, and had to force himself to break eye contact. Much too distracting. He worked his mind to say something but came up blank. The silence was overpowering. Normally he welcomed it, but...this was much too odd.

[Birdie]

She cringed. He wanted to see her change? Like she was some sort of deformed oddity to be stared at for the pleasure of others? She looked up at him, confused on what to say or how to react. She decided to just pulled the blanket over her face.

Brigantia could not stand the idea of him seeing her as nothing more than a curious beast. She only wanted him to see her at her absolute best. She wanted him to look at her with clear eyes unclouded by any sort of judgement.

It was much too hot to keep herself hidden beneath the hood. She lifted it up to look at him again. "I think there will probably be another chance for you to view the transformation. I promise it is not nearly as exciting as you might think. For me it is extremely uncomfortable and I wish it were already done."

[Lord Sesshomaru]

It wasn't exciting? Sesshoumaru didn't think it would be. But it would make it so much easier on him. Eyes narrowing slightly, he took in her scent again. There was nothing that hinted that this was Brigantia. Her scent had become heavier. No longer did it remind him of season changing winds. Now it was the never changing woods. Such a difference.

"You do not look the same. Nor smell the same. If I don't see the change for myself, I find it difficult to believe it is really you. The only thing that hasn't changed is your voice."

[Birdie]

There it was, another blow against her. He was probably not doing it intentionally. He could not possibly understand just how different the world was for her at this moment in time. None the less she wanted to allay his discomfort. She looked around to make sure that no one was about. When satisfied that they were completely alone she stood, letting the blanket pool about her feet. She stepped forward. "If it would please you my lord, you may feel my bones. They will have also remained the same, even if much of my appearance has changed." he blushed brightly. Brigantia felt as if she were being forward, giving this man permission. But as much as she was uncomfortable she did not wish for Sesshomaru to also be. She closed her eyes, waiting what would happen next.