The First Night [Merodi/Ookami]

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Merodi felt completely flustered. Emberassed as she was, she tried not to waver in her determination. His glare made it worse, a sad look came across her face. She missed the point that he was trying not to smile or laugh. She frowned. So, he didn't want her to call him Koga-sama? How could she call him anything else? Her admiration toward him kept her calling him that. She didn't even know if she could call him something else. Even 'san' didn't seem to work. But if that was what he wanted, then...

Merodi did not see the humor in this situation. Including with how serious it was. She wanted to say something against what he said...but she couldn't. He was right. She was weak. She was just a waste of breath, worthles...unneeded. She was no use to her best friend, nor the one she admired.

Merodi didn't care if she got killed. That was the least she was worried about. She cared if she went on with her life, being so weak...so fearful and always living in anxiety. She just couldn't stand to be that way anymore! And Koga was the best person to learn not to be that way.

She was too much in her depressing thougths to even think that he was saying these things in concern for her. When he spoke about Naraku, and that she was going to die, and that he was going to get her jewel Merodi just looked up at him...heartbroken.

She saw the look on his face, but was confused by it. And then he turned to walk back to camp, Merodi found that she could not follow. She stared at the ground instead, her eyes being hidden by her bangs. When he spoke, she shook her head, her shoulders shaking just a bit.

Merodi tried to keep the tears at bay, but failed. "Hai, of course..." she resonded. Of course he didn't care what happened to her. He just didn't want her to slow him down. He didn't want to have to waste his time on her when she was of no use to him.

Foolish little shika, to try and be something she was not...

[Aiko]

Perhaps he had dishonored himself.

But then again, perhaps this was worse.

This scent, this salty tang that was so different from blood and yet evoked the same reaction from so many… this was the scent that reached Koga’s nose, even as he stalked away from the deer demon. He stopped in his tracks, and he felt his heart pounding hard against his chest, harder than it would after a run. Aching exploded in his heart, something that hurt more than a blow to the face.

What had he done?

He hadn’t saved his pride; if anything, he’d made matters worse with all of his trotting around, glaring and growling like some pompous, overfed human daimyo, like some cheap, worthless being that threw his weight around until someone stronger and more sensible came along and clobbered him. Well? Was he actually any different? If anything, he was worse. He could scent the tang of tears, whether they had yet emerged onto the other demon’s face or not. And now he had to battle an emotion that overruled even his embarrassment.

Guilt.

Immediately, Koga turned around to face the desolate-looking deer demon. Head and heart aching with that shame, he slowly began to walk towards him. It felt as though he was going to his own execution. He wore a pained look on his face, a thing sculpted right from his heart. Right now, at this moment, he was being forced to pay for his impulsive talk. And yet, the price was what was left of his fractured pride. What was worth more, his dignity… or this strange deer demon he had happened to stumble across earlier that day?

He used the time between when he turned around and when he reached the deer demon to stall, to decide on a course of action, to weigh the value of each and choose.

When he finally did reach her, he found that his voice had fled in fear. Now that was certainly not befitting for a demon of Koga’s stature. Then again, neither was making a poor deer demon cry. He turned his face away, and he stood before her, body rigid and tense, teeth clenched as tightly as his fists. Barely noticing as his earlier burn scraped against his palm, he tried to gather his words to his throat, but found that it was a difficult thing, more difficult even than finding Naraku would be…

Oh, to hell with it!

“Look, I’m sorry,” he muttered, and by his voice, it was very clear that Koga was having a hard time with this. “I didn’t mean… Look, I do care, alright? There, I said it. Don’t make me repeat myself.” Was he pushing this too far… again? Reddening again, he looked, once more, embarrassed about this whole business. “I don’t want Naraku to get the shard, but I don’t want you to get hurt either, okay? Just… just don’t tell anybody I said that.” Yep. He was overdoing it. Now the wolf demon looked seriously humiliated by this whole business, and he turned away again.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Merodi had never expected him to come back for her. She expected him to keep walking, and knew she would not hold him against it. It was her own thoughts that made her like this, not him. She was shocked when she opened her eyes, looked down at the ground, and she could see he was standing in front of her. She looked up at him, the pull of gravity being the tears to run down her cheeks and stain her fur before dripping down onto the ground.

Merodi did not understand why he had come back. She did not understand why he didn't just keep going. And she just stared up at him, shocked and confused as he seemed to look for the right words to say. What was he going to say?

Merodi's eyes widened when those first words came out of his mouth. Sorry?! He was sorry?! She was completely astonished. She never expected anything like an apology to come from Koga. Wierd was that she didn't know why he was apologizing. But as he continued, it all made sense and she was completely shocked.

Koga cared? He cared? He had said it! Merodi's heart pounded in her chest even more then when trying to catch up with Koga. She gulped as he continued. He didn't want her hurt. No one had ever said that to her before. Including someone like Koga.

When he turned away, she stared at his back, the shock dying down and she smiled. "Okay." she responded. She would not tell anyone. She felt wanted, and special to be cared for by Koga. She stepped forward, and she had an urge to hug him...she even reached out with her hands...but immediately withdrew back.

"Thank you." she said instead. Her thanks would have been in that hug, but decided against it. Though, there was something she also wanted to say. But also decided against that too.

That him not caring was not the reason she had been crying...

[Aiko]

Ah, Koga was a brilliant chap, was he not? Filled to the brim with such words of cleverness, how could anyone suspect him not be? And in reply to Merodi’s gratitude towards him, he offered more of his witty, intelligent, smooth words:

“Yeah, well…”

This entire situation was completely humiliating! Koga could feel his cheeks burning in embarrassment, felt like even the deer demon behind him would see the hot glow emanating from his cheeks or sense the awkwardness in his aura, or would figure out in some way just how unaccustomed to these situations of apologizing and not tromping around like a royal idiot the wolf demon was. Never in all his life had he even imagined things coming to this, first making one as gentle as Merodi cry and then apologizing and then admitting that he really did care about what happened to her. What was wrong with him? Had he no shame?

Finally, a thought of consolation came to Koga. Screw shame! he thought. Stop being all embarrassed, and just get on with your life. It’s not like, I dunno, some wolf demons are gonna come up and call me an idiot. And if they did I’d… I’d… I’d kick them to the moon! Wonderful consolation, wasn’t it? Well, perhaps Merodi wouldn’t have thought it was, but it was certainly cheering to the considerably more violent demon.

And speaking of Merodi…

Half out of embarrassment, half out of curiosity, half out of wanting to show Merodi that he was unashamed, and totally unaware that those were way too many halves, Koga chanced a glance over his shoulder at the deer demon. And what he saw calmed him more than his thoughts of beating up anyone who thought he was being dishonorable.

She seemed so incredibly grateful, and she was smiling, that the wolf demon just felt himself relax. When had the last time been when he had made someone happy like that? He wasn’t quite sure he remembered.

“Alright, you ready to head back to camp?” Answering her own question for her, Koga ordered, “Okay, let’s go.” He hardly noticed it, but there was less growl in his voice than there had been before. Not quite waiting for Merodi, he started to walk off, head held high and growing steadily more confident, though he still felt embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

As though to finalize things, he thought to himself, You’re still not coming with.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Merodi could only kind of sense and see how emberassed Koga was. But she didn't say, or even react to it that much. It was a guy thing, right? And...it was cute. Oh my god, she couldn't believe she thought a wolf to be cute! She might as well just serve herself up on a silver platter! Yeah right. Merodi was starting to be sure that Koga didn't mean any harm to her. Not at all. In fact, he cared about her well being. He had said so!

That was the first.

Though there were still so many things that bothered her, she kept herself from sayin anything, or even thinking about it. She pushed it into the back of her mind to lock away and never think about. It would not be good to worry about the future. She would just have to relish in his company for as long as she could. Until her arm was healed.

That was such a short time....

Merodi nodded as he spoke of going back to camp, and quickly picked up pace to walk a little beside, but a few inches behind him. She would not walk ahead of him, that would mean she was the dominant. She could not walk beside him, because that would make her his equal. She would have to follow from behind...

[ookami]

Ookami, meanwhile, was watching from her standing place, analyzing every gesture and mouthing movements the two made. At first it seemed as though, prehaps, they were arguing. And then Koga seemed to relent. Ookami wasn't sure if he was agreeing to the deer demon, allowing her to travel with him. However, they were both heading back towards the make-shift camp they stayed in. And since Merodi was following the wolf demon so diligently, Ookami figured some kind of finalization had been made. And, suddenly;

She didn't want to be here. In that moment, what it would truley mean to travel with the two hit her. She would have companions, yes, but she would also be practically stuck to traveling with them. It would be a type of commitment. Not in the marital or mate sense, of course, but in a sense of friendship. It would be automatically accepted, and she didn't want that. Even when she had agreed to travel with the shika demon, long before Koga even came into the picture, the hanyou had begun to have doubts. Now, with Koga there...well, she didn't feel like being around the wolf.

So, as the two, the wolf and shika, headed back, Ookami turned around. She glanced down at her wolven companion, Akki, and nodded. He was the only company she needed. The shike demon, Merodi, would make her own way, and the wolf demon Koga would find what he was looking for. They didn't need her. She had been searching for her place, and well, this wasn't it. And so, she turned her head slightly, and grinned, raising one hand in a sort of salute-like gesture. "Luck to you!" She called out, her only parting words. Then, with one hand in Akki's scruff, she continued on her way.

[Aiko]

Since it seemed Merodi wasn’t going to bring up his all-too-obvious embarrassment about this scenario, Koga was able to hold his head a little higher, continuing on in front of her in a sort of proud trot. I dunno… something about this doesn’t feel so bad… hey, I’m leading somebody again, aren’t I? That was certainly true. The shika youkai, being her usual demure self, so the wolf demon guessed, was trotting a little bit behind him, letting him have his much-desired authority. It made him feel better about the situation, like something he could push to the back of his mind.

With everything that was going on, he half forgot about Ookami, left back at camp. She was almost like a ghost of a presence. Perhaps it was because he had met the timid deer demon first, but whenever he thought about the hanyou, he considered her more as Merodi’s friend, rather than regarding the demon who was currently following him as Ookami’s friend. And of Akki, he didn’t think much at all, so busy had he been with the affairs of the two females.

But as he approached the camp, coming within earshot of the half-demon, Koga heard Ookami’s farewell. “Did I miss something?” the wolf demon pondered aloud, that growl of annoyance returning to his voice. He was about to run after her and demand she stay, if only to be difficult, but then he shrugged. The farther from Naraku she was, the better… for now, at least. Maybe it was better that she was going, though he couldn’t suppress a twinge of regret.

Then Koga halted. Yes, he was going to let Ookami go, let her do as she pleased, for the time being… but what of Merodi? He had taken it for granted that she would be staying with him, but maybe, even after all of that they had just been through, she would choose the hanyou as a companion instead. Of course, that was better for everyone, right? The half-demon would tend to her wound and the wolf demon could go off and kill that bastard Naraku. Everyone would win.

So why did Koga feel upset about this?

Dammit… stop being sentimental… he thought aggressively. He turned to Merodi, clearly expecting her to go, but there was the gleam of a challenge in his eyes. Would she travel with him for a short while, like she had said, or go off with an old friend? The choice was hers, and Koga dared her to answer.

OOC: Bah... Well, at least the internet's working. =P

[Lord Sesshomaru]

As soon as the words left Ookami's mouth...she knew she was doomed. She could only stare at Ookami's retreating form with wide eyes. Not believing what she was hearing, and not wanting to. Her mind went blank, and she swallowed hard, a lump suddenly forming in her throat. Her only friend was leaving. The hanyou probably thought that she was going to continue to travel with Koga....

But he had made it clear that once her arm was healed...he would leave her behind...

No! She couldn't do this again! She didn't want to be alone anymore! She couldn't to, after being alone for so long. She wanted to call Ookami back, but she was still too much in shock that she was leaving. And by that time, she was already gone. She still continued to stare at the path that she had left in.

Fear and depression swallowed her whole, and she couldnt' find herself to move, couldn't find herself to think. Was it that much of a big deal to not be alone? She had traveled alone before, so why was it such a horrible thing to go back to?

"I don't....want to be alone anymore..." she wanted to stay with Koga. She wanted to so badly. But once her wound healed....he would throw her away. His concern for her would vanish....and she would be worthless again.

"I'm just going to end up all alone again...." she muttered, her voice cracking a bit as she held back the tears that threatened to fall. Maybe she was taking this a bit too far. Maybe she was overreacting the being alone thing.

Merodi didn't see it as overreacting. Not when she had been alone for so long. Shika's lived in herds...so it was normal for her to yearn for others.

[Aiko]

“Wha--?” More cleverness spilled from Koga’s mouth as Merodi began rambling about being alone, but his thoughts weren’t following hers. Their minds seemed to be following completely different tracks. “What are you talking about, Merodi-san? You’re not the one who’s going to be alone, stupid shika! I am!” By now, the wolf demon was taking it for granted that his temporary companion would abandon him and go after the half-demon.

And, for some reason, this thought made his voice grow bitter as he spoke to the rambling deer demon.

Okay, now Koga was angry. He could see that Merodi was on the verge of tears, but what the hell did she have to cry about? The idiot could just run after her old friend, that wonderful Ookami, and leave him without so much as someone to speak to! And he figured that she was. After all, why would she stay with him, when he would have to leave her behind when he went to look for Naraku?

Clever wolf demon that he was, Koga didn’t realize that this was what was really on his fellow demon’s mind.

Every thought of her abandoning him for her old friend dripped with acidity in Koga’s mind. She had absolutely no reason to get sentimental about all of this. She could find Ookami easily, and continue her travels with the hanyou. Clenching his hands into tight fists, so tight that his nails cut into his palms and he could feel the blood trickling down his fingers, he hardly bothered to wonder why he was so angry about all of this. He simply was.

Dropping his gaze, Koga glared at the dusty earth around his feet, eyes smoldering with anger. Finally, because he couldn’t hold back the tide of fury any longer, he raced away from Merodi and skidded to a halt near a large slab of rock that jutted up from the earth, feeling jagged pebbles scrape against his feet as he did so, flying up to slam against his legs, but he ignored them. When he came up to the rock, he drew back his hand, still balled into a blood-drawing fist, and sent a mighty jab at the stone. He could feel the bones shudder up his arms at the impact, and searing pain lanced up from his fist, so agonizing and jarring that he had to grit his teeth.

But the rock shattered with the impact, and left nothing to testify to its death but a heap of broken rocks and Koga’s bruised knuckles.

Now, anger spent, he stood, panting, staring at the ground again. Merodi would leave him now, and he wouldn’t stop her. Gritting his teeth, he clamped his eyes shut, escaping for a moment into the darkness behind his lids.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Merodi was shocked with the words that came out of Koga's mouth. And at first, all she could think about is how he had called her 'Merodi-san'. San! Of all things! It was surprising, flattering, and yet heartbreaking when she finally paid attention to what he had said. What was he talking about? She was going to be alone! Why was he saying that he was going to be alone? She wanted to say something, yell at him. How dare he think that he was going to be alone!

Why would he think that? When it would be him abandoning her once her would healed. That was what he had said. That was what he had wanted. She was confused, and a bit angry. But nothing spilled from her mouth. No words to snap at him about his statements.

Not when she could tell her was so angry. His anger sent shivers down her spine, her ears drooped, and the sudden scent of blood made her face pale. She didn't even try to find out where it was coming from.

Koga-sama....he was frightening her.

Merodi watched Koga as he ran off, and she did not follow. Only standing where she was, her feet not able to move in any direction. Was he angry at her? Enough to kill her? Would he kill her after everything? He fear heightened to new levels as she could see him in the distance, slamming his fist into a rock.

What was she supposed to do now? He was angry, very angry, and she was even shivering with the thought of him pounding her to death.

No, no, no, no, no, no!! He wouldn't do that! What was her problem?! That would probably hurt his feelings if he knew that she was suddenly so scared of him! How dare she!

Now she was guilty for being so frightened of Koga...

"I'm sorry...." she muttered, hoping he could hear her. "Once my wound is healed...you would leave me...and I will be alone...

[Aiko]

No matter what Merodi thought, Koga wasn’t going to kill her. The thought would have shocked him had she voiced it. After all, hadn’t he taken out his anger on the rock instead of on the deer demon? Taking it out on Merodi hadn’t even crossed the wolf demon’s mind, so absurd would the thought have seemed. Kind of funny, really, that thought, since he had no qualms over killing most other demons.

He was too distant to have normally heard her mutterings, but the gossiping wind seemed to find this too interesting a bit of talk to resist passing on, and it brought the words of Merodi to the wolf demon. Koga heard her words whispered on the voice of the quietly murmuring wind, just faintly, catching only snatches of the words she spoke, but the meaning was clear. And as the words reached his ears, the wolf demon opened his eyes and lifted his head, surprise registering in his sky-blue eyes.

Oh yeah… Sheepishly, he now remembered how he had said that he would only stay with Merodi until her arm had healed. Well, that was logical, wasn’t it (which was by far an advance on Koga’s part)? After all, he needed to find Naraku, didn’t he, before anything else bad happened? Before that bastard could kill anyone else who was close to the wolf demon, such as the shattered remains of his once-great pack?

Such as Merodi?

Well, even Koga realized that her words meant she was staying with him, for the time being at least. A little loyalty on her behalf, or necessity now that Ookami had left? He chose not to ponder over that, but rather he spun around, to face the deer demon, who stood rooted to the spot where he had left her. As he realized that he should probably explain himself, he suddenly felt his heart begin to pound against his powerful chest. What should he say to her?

As usual, he elected to make it up as he went along, and took off, running back to his shika companion.

Attempting to skid to a halt, it seemed that he had run too fast, and closed the distance between the two of them too rapidly. He finally stopped, directly in front of Merodi, only a few inches between them, but as he halted, his upper half flung forward for a moment, so he loomed over the deer demon for a few seconds before regaining his balance. Feeling a little awkward, he stepped back.

“Well, I gotta leave you behind,” he muttered, looking moderately embarrassed. “You’d end up getting killed if I didn’t.” Realizing how lame that sounded, Koga blustered on, “I mean, well, you know…”

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Merodi watched Koga, his frightening actions had subsided at that moment. She knew it was such a horrible thing for her to think. He would never do that. Since he hadn't already, why would he now? It hadn't made sense. And so she would ignore her instincts to get the hell out of there. For once. She normally always listened to her instincts, because it was the only thing she had. It was her instincts that she trusted the most.

She wanted to trust Koga. And she did. And she would continue to.

Merodi had nothing else to say. Her mind wandered to when he would leave her. Then what would she do? Should she just try to find Ookami? No. She had wanted to leave, so Merodi shouldn't bother her anymore. Then what will she do?

Merodi's thoughts were brought to a sudden halt as Koga was suddenly running toward her. So fast, she really didn't have time to think, or even be frightened. Her eyes widened though as he came to a stop, way too close for comfort. She stared up at him, shocked, wondering what he was doing so close to him. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she had to try and gulp ot down a few times as Koga stepped back.

Merodi tried to hide the point that she was blushing like a tomatoe. She blinked a couple of times until the blush went away. Woah. That was...odd. She kept herself concentrating on his words, instead of her mind replaying what had just happened a few seconds before.

"If you leave me behind..." she began, a thought coming to her that hadn't before. "I will end up getting killed. Many demons wish for the jewel shard, and they will kill me and take it from me. Naraku will not be my only enemy. Humans, and other demons are." she said, rather serious.

[Aiko]

Crap… he hadn’t thought of that… What should he do now? He couldn’t just leave Merodi around to get slaughtered!

No, wait, what the hell was Koga thinking now? Of course he could just leave her out of this, ignore her pleading and whining, and look for Naraku! Hey, she’d survived for this long, hadn’t she? Was that just luck? No, it couldn’t be just good fortune! The wolf demon crossed his arms, one of which was still in pain from taking his anger out on the rock, and gave Merodi a defiant glare. Did she not realize how much worse Naraku was than all of those other enemies? If enemies were storms, the humans and other demons Merodi spoke of would be light drizzles.

Naraku would be a typhoon.

But then again, maybe Merodi didn’t realize this. Hadn’t she ever heard of Naraku before? It was hard to believe that there were those out there untouched by the malice of that revolting excuse of a demon. But then again, Koga stopped looking quite so ticked off, and instead gave her a look that was half patronizing, half amused. “You really have no idea what you’d be getting yourself into, do you?” He flashed a quick grin at her, before trying to wipe it from his face and adopt a more serious look.

“It’d be way more dangerous if you insisted in tagging along,” he growled, making it look like he had complete authority over the matter. “I don’t care what you think, you’re not going to meet Naraku, and that’s that.”

Nodding, as though that was the end of the discussion, Koga turned around then, looking around for the camp. Ah, there it was, the gleam of firelight giving away its location. He took a few steps in the direction of the light, then stopped.

“You know…” he said slowly, not turning around, “I don’t mind if you want to stick around a little longer. You know, after your arm's better and everything. Just… you gotta keep out of the way when I find Naraku, alright? Find a place to hide. If you’re so dead set on coming with me, that is.”

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Merodi looked up at him thoughtfully with the first words that came out of his mouth. What she would be getting herself into? She...sort of knew. She knew that it was Koga's enemy. This...Naraku. And he did seem to be powerful. And he did sound rather...scary. That was her instinct speaking. But she didn't care. She had gone through a lot already. This was what she wanted to do. Koga didn't even know why she continued to stay with him. Why she was so dead set in facing danger in the face. She wouldn't tell him unless he asked.

So when he had asked that question, she neither said yes or no. Because she knew, only kind of what it was that was going on. But enough that she knew the danger she was putting herself into. Merodi was pretty sure that she would never be able to stay with him. By the way he was speaking. Never would she meet Naraku. Not that she...really, wanted to...

Merodi just wanted to be useful. And as he turned to walk back into camp, she followed, stopping when he did. A curious and confused look coming across her face.

Merodi's eyes widened in surprise at what he said. Even though, when she looked at him, all she could see was the back of his head. He was saying...she could continue to travel with him. Even when her arm was healed!

In her happiness, to know that she could continue to travel with him...she did something, she normally never did. In her excitement, she let out a happy squeal...and hugged him.

"Oh, thank you so much Koga-sama!!" but as she realized what she had just did, she quickly let go of him, her face flushed in emberassment. She took a step back, distancing herself from him.

Oh kami, she couldn't believe she just did that! She stared at her hands that were busy stretching out the ends of her clothes. Her cheeks stained a dark red, very, very noticable. "G-gomen..."

[Aiko]

The next thing Koga knew was that Merodi had made a little exclamation of happiness, and suddenly her arms were wrapped around him.

Time seemed to stretch out for that small moment when the deer demon hugged him, expressing her gratitude in bubbling words of appreciation. However, the wolf demon was pretty much deaf to her words as her arms were wrapped around him from behind. His eyes were stretched wide with surprise; after all, he had figured she’d like the idea, but this… Well, she was certainly enthusiastic about the idea. Merodi had only touched him twice, once when she was trying to prevent him from hurting Ookami, and a second time when he helped her up. And now…

Now Merodi wasn’t the only one blushing.

A blush of pale scarlet was creeping into Koga’s face, staining his own cheeks as the shika stopped hugging and stepped back, apologizing. The wolf demon slowly turned to face her, his electric blue eyes still wide from surprise, his mouth slightly open as though he was going to say something. Closing his mouth, he saw the vivid crimson that tinted Merodi’s cheeks, clear as day even in the faded light. Actually, the pale reddish sky on the far western horizon, and the deeper violets overhead, somewhat accentuated the look of embarrassment on the deer demon’s face.

Actually, it was kind of pretty…

Earlier, Koga had been looking forward to going to see Kagome, half-hoping that they would need to because of Merodi’s arm but planning to drop in for a visit regardless. Now, however, the wolf demon’s mind was far from the miko. Now, Koga’s eyes were adopting a calmer look, something on the border of actually gentle, and, with the light blush on his cheeks, well… He looked considerably more pleasant than his previous raging around, even if he wasn’t quite smiling. But now, it was almost like he was trying to hold one back.

Coming out of his reverie, Koga realized that he had been gazing at Merodi for quite a few minutes, thinking his own little thoughts.

The blush intensified, and his eyes widened. Now he was frowning, though it wasn’t one of anger or determination, as usual. Today, this was a frown of embarrassment. Pretty much forgetting that Merodi had apologized herself, he turned away again, trying to get his incredibly funny-looking face of mortification under control, and muttered, “Sorry. Must have dazed off for a moment.”